Updates

So things started to look up for me last week on Thursday. It was two days after my interview for the position I REALLY REALLY wanted after I graduated. I was offered the job! The frustrating part was that the recruiter called, left a message saying, "congratulations you've been offered the job." and "please don't call back I'm leaving the office until Wednesday of next week." Hmmph! I'm just too excited to wait that long! So tomorrow I shall officially talk to someone about my orientation that starts on the 20th!

Family News Update:
My little 10 yo brother still runs the house, or at least me, by questioning everything I do or reprimanding me right in front of my parents about silly stuff like me asking "why did someone not answer the phone?" My 16 yo brother keeps tormenting me. I thought that back in November we had settled out our differences after he apologized for egging my new car after a little argument. I then at the beginning of his fourth school semester decided to write a note of encouragement which tagged along with his favorite box of cereal to help him get up in the morning and feel motivated to go to school. He has now started to harass every phone call I make at my house or to my house. He brought me to tears the other night as I sat at my fiance's house trying to do my taxes. I called home to get a piece of info I had left behind and this said brother decided to interrupt every few seconds of the conversation I was trying to have with my other brother. I needed to get my checking routing and account number. The 16 yo brother kept interjecting with phrases like, "shut up" "don't do it" or my favorite "shut the fuck up" and "I'll kill you."

He denied it when my parents confronted him. My parents then confronted me saying that we can't just assume that it was him because he said that he didn't do it. UGH! So then he later admitted to it, and my dad said that I'm just not being an adult about this. Well in some ways my dad is right, I am doing the only thing I can in MY power to try to ease my frustration. I don't have a cell phone of my own, or a house to retreat to other than this wretched one. And on top of all that my parents don't even run the house, the boys do. The crazy messed up young men trapped in their bad habits run this stupid house. I'm sick of it.

So that rant above really does lead to my major frustration of the day. I told my mom that I was planning on moving out. I was offered a GREAT deal by a friend who said that I could have the master bedroom for free. Thats right folks, FREE!! Expecting to hear my mom say something positive (I always choose the worst times to be optimistic) I finished up telling her about the room. She sat there and told me " I don't feel that you are ready to move out." In my head I'm thinking "are you serious! I'm 25 and need to start a life of my own already" then she interrupts my thoughts with "well you are ungrateful, and I don't see that changing for the better if you move out." See, what my mom doesn't get is that this house, THEIR HOUSE, is a place of chaos and I cannot grow from it. No one loves here. No one tries to get to know thier own family here. Its sad and its depressing me. I have insomnia because of it. I sit and cry every night because I feel so abandoned in my own house.

From the outside my family looks fine. But it isn't. We don't know one another. Everyone hates one another and this is evident by how one is treated here. And its not even the acts themselves. Its the aftermath of the acts. I ask to have my feelings recognized, a little apology now and again. But nothing. Just keep me in your prayers everyone as I have a lot of decisions to be making in the next few months.